Should I go for a walk in the park with my wife and daughter, even though it looks like rain, I have a really bad cold, and I already walked 40 minutes this morning?
Should I give in to the sudden attack of fatigue, which suddenly came from nowhere even though I have had 4 coffees, 1 tea and 1 can of diet cola to try and stay alert, and just go to sleep for an afternoon nap? I feel like an old man trapped inside the body of a wrecked 30 year old. Life is too short for afternoon naps and siestas, much as like the idea. My head is stuffy, my eyelids heavy and I may start drooling on the PC keyboard. It is lucky this is not a video blog.
Should I blog? If so which blog? My general Blog? My weight loss Blog? My books & literature Blog? Should I compose a new blog on today’s thoughts, reading or culinary adventures? Should I instead go back and edit, correct the spelling and cut down the previous blog entries queued up to be posted?
Should I finish reading The Gambler by Dostoevsky? Should I finish reading “What is History” by E.H. Carr instead? Should I read the review section of today’s Guardian or finish reading the short story in the last issue of review I never finished reading? I should really finish reading the Teach Yourself, How to Write a Novel book I am also reading.
Should I phone all the people I need to phone but have no energy or desire to phone?
Should I finish the cashflow, our personal finances summary in excel that is the most important thing to do as we are broke, getting more broke every day and may lose our house unless I can start bringing in £2k a month from somewhere?
Should I book my next Career Coach appointment, do the Career Coach exercises or look for jobs I am too ill and fatigued to actually apply for, let alone even contemplate doing?
Should I look for all my notes and print outs on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and try and work out why I have started losing all my energy over the last few weeks and had more frequent attacks of sudden fatigue and lethargy? This is a point in my life where I need all the energy I can muster, not to be drained of what little energy I already have.
Should I start reading my copy of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for dummies to get some useful pointers?
Should I actually muster the will power and create the food plan for the next 2 weeks so that I don’t end up eating lots of frozen birds eye food or one too many weight watchers chocolate caramel bars and instead plan our healthy, nutritious dinners to coincide with my dieting, food tracking and efforts to eat less beef and red meat to try and combat the chronic fatigue and my worsening IBS?
How do I prioritise which books to read next? Every day I discover a new book that looks so interesting I make a mental note to put it on the reading list I have lost and wish there was a decent iPhone application to record. Today I saw that my friend James is reading “The Diamond as Big as The Ritz” a novella by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I skimmed the story outline in Wikipedia and it looks fascinating. It may also help me get an insight into how to shorten my own stories. Yet it is another great read I have no time to incorporate into my life and will make me feel worse for never getting round to reading it.
I have found a great website that has book recommendation lists based a variety of interesting subjects. Check it out:
http://www.flashlightworthybooks.com/
Digression into the world of reading lists aside, the real question burning in my frazzled mind is this: What is more important? My health? Feeling energised? Getting restorative sleep? Understanding our finances? Staying out of debt? Getting as much writing done as I can before i lose all my spare time if I have to go back to a lifeblood sucking job? Reading as many great works of fiction as I can before I lose the precious time I have know? Curing my IBS and Fatigue through alternative therapies that may or may not work? Changing my career even though I have no money or energy? Doing household chores versus writing blogs and feeling fulfilled? Finishing my first novel or ripping it apart and making a short story out of its best ideas? Plot driven to make it sell well, or character driven because that is infinitely more interesting?
I have too many questions, too many dilemmas.
My wife looks unimpressed as she takes our screaming daughter out for a walk in the park and see’s my fatigued, heavy eyed body slumped over the computer desk trying to desperately compose a blog entry that will actually get posted up.
I am stressed, drained, burnt out and need to post the picture of my 7 weightwatchers point fish finger sandwich up onto my weight loss blog. I also need to re link my old blog about Chronic Fatigue to my current series of blogs.
I just want to sleep.
Then I want to wake up and just read.